I don´t know

It is November 26, just 2 more days and I and my darling are 5 months together. It´s weird. I can´t describe how I feel around him. I miss him a little. A little too much, a little too often, and a whole lot more each day. We see each other once or twice a week, that is not a lot. Without you my soul just isn’t complete. You’re everything I love, without you I’m no longer me. I need you, I can´t live without you anymore.

I love you my darling. I know I don´t say it enough but I mean it. You are the love of my life… I love you.

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It´s been a while…

I know it´s been a while. A long while. I haven’t needed… I haven’t wanted to write this stuff down, but I don’t want to say it out loud either. The thing is that I´m not a talker and I hate it. It hurts. The pain is slowly dying on the inside, I`m too weak. So I keep it silent.  Just me… alone.

sometimes a part of me just wanna lose it all, and then I think of Anthony. I`m almost all that he has left, he is everything that I have. So I need to find a balance.

Him

I met someone by accident, Anthony. I felt something I haven’t felt before. It was different, weird, a little epic but still great. This one day made my hole week better. I can’t explain it yet, but, … it’s hard to think when he’s around me. I miss him, every minute, every second, I will always miss him… even when he’s with me.

Happy mother’s day

My mother is the best mother I could ever wish. She’s kind, beautiful but most of all she’s here for me. I love you mam, I always will. Because no one else could ever replace you. I love you today, and tomorrow and for the rest of my life. Happy mama’s day.

Not now

This life will be good and beautiful but not without heartbreak in dead comes peace. The pain is the cost of living, like love is how we know we’re alive. I hold on, helplessly praying, I’m still hiding all the pain and feelings. I still need you. Don’t come back, you can’t make it wright.  I need to let go, I know I’m strong. I don’t wanna hear and see you anymore.

Moving on

Isn’t it amazing how life is one thing and then is an instand, it becomes something else… just like that. If I stay, I’ll die. They always say time changes things but I know that the pain is unbearable. Every second of it. There is no such thing as moving on, it’s a lie.

I have no place in the world.

The pain will never end.

I can’t fight it.

I’m not strong